Whole

Thrashed into the darkness
I lay,
troubled,
and scared. 

How did I get here?
How long have I been?
There’s no frame of reference.
No shadows, no space, no kin.

I’m lost, I think.

My mind is running wild

with what ifs,
and could’ves,
and would’ves. 

They cry out, so high,
so loud. 

Deeper into the whole I go. 

Sadness begins to show all the damage that lay dormant inside this darkness.

I didn’t ask for this.
Or was it a blind target?

What life did I live once . . .

that led to this? 

I must’ve been murderous.
Oh no! I must’ve been bad.
I must’ve polluted my home,
and laid waste to all the love it had. 

I’m bad!
I’m bad!
I was too bad. 

It must be true. 

Why would it be me here?
And where, joyous friend, are you? 

I’m falling.
It’s calling,
the depths of this darkness. 

I’ve cried many times.
Though, I don’t think time exists here.
My muscles are tight.
I’m stuck in this night.

I quit! 

I surrender to the fear.

I don’t even think this whole thing is real.
If it is, well . . . I’m here for who knows how long.
No point in keeping myself from singing a sweet song.

I’m falling.
Not stalling.
Not claiming this madness.

It’s in me.
I know it.
Yet, now, I watch as it comes and passes. 

I’ve lost it,
all struggle,
all fear,
all sorrow, 

All thoughts of what once was,
All thoughts of tomorrow.

I’m falling.
It’s calling,
the silence in my ear.

It’s quiet.
It’s peaceful
. . . now, it’s peaceful here.

As I slip, I close my eyes,
and to, wondrous, surprise
I find vibrant blue skies lit by sobering sun!
It was here all along.
Though it seems like such a long way I’ve come.

I’m falling
I’ve lost
all resistance to this,

this darkness,
It’s shown me Inside myself . . .

. . . Bliss.

A light has been birthed here.
Never, again, will it dim from fear.

It’s a new day.
Good morning . . . no,
We’ve mourned long enough. 

Great rising,
Shining stars! 

We’ll dance . . .
through this dawn . . .
& the darkness
following dusk . . .

and on,
and on.
and on,
I trust.